breadcrumbs

I have been traveling, which is part of the reason I haven’t written much here for a few weeks. I did, however, write elsewhere. Here are some bits and pieces from the notebook I carried with me; small moments from my journeys:

——–

There is something about traveling that makes me feel highly competent. It’s one of the things that I’m really good at. It’s something I remember learning – that is, I remember teaching myself. I remember not knowing how to travel, and then realizing that I could figure it out. That felt pretty darn good. It still does.

——–

Tonight on the train at dusk, streetlights reflected in the windows flickered and appeared to be flying through the deepening, darkening sky, escorting us on our journey. They looked like little blinking fairy lights following us from stop to stop. It was one of the most beautiful illusions I’ve seen.

——–

When you know a place, you know how to get around on the trains (or how to get around stopped trains) easily and efficiently. When you don’t know a place, you are constantly figuring out how to get around on trains (or how to get around stopped trains). The former is comforting and satisfying. The latter wakes you up. There is probably (!) a metaphor in there somewhere.

——–

I would not say that this afternoon’s walk was pleasant. I found myself on a street I hadn’t expected, and the stench of raw meat from the shops gagged me at times. I had to put down the granola bar I was munching. The stiff, dead cat covered in flies stopped my breath. Sometimes that is a part of traveling, too. Those corners where you feel trapped for long, challenging moments; where people spend their days, for years upon years. You catch a glimpse, and then you move on – but now you know it is there, and it exists in you, along with everything else.

——–

I always travel after a break-up. I re-collect my broken heart as I move from place to place. That does not mean that I have a broken heart every time I travel. Not even close. Sometimes my heart is so full of joy, there is nothing for me to do but explode into a road trip or a cross country flight, scattering bits of my heart along the way like breadcrumbs to lead a future me back home.

——–

Dear Life: Do you know how much I adore you right now? You keep sending me bouquets of friends, fragrances of inspiration, tiny surprise notes on my pillow. You show me hidden paths, and whisper secrets in my ear. You make me laugh with abandon. I don’t care if anyone sees us being silly together. I want to kiss your neck. You make me feel beautiful and loved, Life, and all I can do is love you back. I just can’t help it. It’s almost more than I can stand. Almost, but not quite. I can take more. Bring it on. I’m ready.

xo,
me

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